Movie Review: De Dana Dan

Audience Interpretation of the words De Dana Dan = beat the hell out of.

Audience wishes to De Dana Dan the person who conceptualized/plagiarized this film.

Audience wishes to De Dana Dan the stars and character actors who signed on for this film, and wonder if they knew what utter fools they would be made to look like in it.

Audience wishes to De Dana Dan the director, who it seemed had no control over his actors, or the film. Screaming at the top of your lungs (till your veins threaten to pop out of your neck), using crude and demeaning language ( ‘kutte ki pilli’, ‘chinaaal, ‘dayan’, ‘budhiya’) does not for a funny film make.

Audience wishes to De Dana Dan the stylist, whose garish clothes hurt the Audience’s eyes and her aesthetic sensibilities.

Audience wishes to De Dana Dan the music directors who, even among the 2 of them, couldn’t come up with a decent song.

Audience wishes to De Dana Dan herself the most, because all she expected to see was a funny film, and came back with a headache instead.

The only funny bit;
Johnny Lever screaming in exasperation: “Kya main tawaif hoon, jo har aadmi mujhe paise deta hai’ or sum such.

Movie Review: Kurbaan

Avantika Ahuja (Kareena Kapoor, looking gorgeous!) and Ehsaan Khan (Saif, looking haggard) are fellow professors in a Delhi college which allows them to wear jeans, flirt openly and even kiss in the staff room. *I want to teach here too!* After an endless round of coffee and conversations, a beautifully shot melodious, ‘Shukran Allah’, song and some super costume changes later Avantika finally succumbs to Ehsaan’s charms. He manages to convince Avantika’s skeptical father that their opposing religions will not be a hindrance in their relationship and manages to convince her that women should not be the ones to sacrifice their career and before you know it Ehsaan accompanies Avantika to New York, where she’s been called to resume her teaching job.

After a bit of the requisite newly-wed cootchie cooing, spending time in luxurious hotel room and doing the tourist bit later the couple start looking for a home and settle on a spacious one in an Asian neighborhood.*teaching seems like a very lucrative profession…hmmmmmm* After getting Ehsaan a teaching position in her college , Avantika inexplicably spends the entire day at home as a result of which she discovers that she has some really conservative, and strange, neighbors called Bhaijaan (Om Puri, holding a single grim, more like constipated, expression throughout) and Aaapa (Kirron Kher (speaking in a heavy South Indian dialect which is supposed to be Afghani, btw. Don’t miss the fake penciled eyebrows!) and their suspicious, and unkempt, brood.

With ample time on hand, Avantika starts keeping a watch on her neighbor’s activities and realizes that not only are they ‘terrorists’ who like blowing up airplanes but her husband too is involved with them. *not a very pleasant surprise, eh?* Infact Ehsaan Khan is a dreaded, most wanted by the FBI terrorist who has strangely been able to get into America, live and work there, all without a hitch.

A pregnant, with information and child, Avantika is placed under house arrest, ignored by Ehsaan, scowled at by Bhaijaan and his ilk and is generally miserable until, through a series of incidents she comes into contact with Riyaaz (Vivek Oberoi, good) who needs her help to get to know more about the terrorists.*very popular they are, everyone wants to get to know them!* and together they decide to avenge them/destroy them/set things right *calling 911 would have been so much easier and less messier, guys!*

If you need to know anymore, about the terrorists or otherwise, watch the movie yourself.

Saif and Kareena have great on-screen chemistry, though Kareena far outshines Saif with a sterling performance. She looks great and is superbly outfitted. Saif looks sufficiently mean and conniving enough to play a deceiving guy, a role in which he always seems to excel in. Vivek Oberoi is good, doing his best in a very weak role. The supporting cast disappoints. The film is beautifully shot with the starkness of the cold winter of New York matching the grim and somber mood of the film perfectly. Wish equal attention had been given to the script and editing so that the final product could have been what it wasn’t, taut and on edge.

The intention of the story was right, what was missing was the intensity.

And the well-deserved WWW Award goes to...

...Ms Vidya Balan!

I can’t believe I’ve pipped J. Lo to win the WWW Award
What shall I wear to receive it? Ummmm…let’s see…

How about the salwar kameez I fashioned out of the saree Mum was throwing away…

...or the one I made out of that lovely tussar silk and kalamkari tablecloth Akka got me from Rajasthan...

...or my favorite, which I designed out of the rich bedspread I received as a gift while inaugurating a home store in Delhi...

…or the one I tailored out of the curtain cloth  everyone at home vetoed because of the ghastly color…

Guess I’ll wear my new salwar kameez, which I fashioned out of a block-printed bedsheet...

Thank you, all you lovely people, for bestowing me with the Worst-dressed-Woman-in-the-World Award.
I’ll strive to remain worthy of it as long as I live!

Big Bore!

The much awaited 3rd season of Big Boss, the Indian version of the infamous reality show Big Brother, premiered on the 4th of October on the channel ‘Colors’. The interiors of the house are contemporary and colorful and Amitabh Bachchan has been roped in to anchor it, perhaps to lend some much-needed dignity to a show which is best desribed as a voyeur’s delight.

Amitabh looks uncomfortable hosting it and the fans of the show seem disappointed by the characters chosen for Season 3. If you switch on your television sets at 9 pm everyday these are the housemates you are most likely to find inhabiting the Big Boss house;

Vindu Dara Singh - The Motor mouth/Crybaby: Yesteryear actor Dara Singh’s son is tall, well-built, swears more colorfully than a sailor would and talks, nonsense, incessantly. He also cries like a baby at every opportunity, given or forcefully taken.

Poonam Dhillon – The Mummy: The Actress and former Miss India is calm, dignified and always well turned out. She prays, loves to cook, talks little and talks sense. She is equally enthusiastic, to help around the house and gracefully avoid all the trouble makers.

Kamal Khan - The Joker: This wannabe would like to believe that he is a star. ‘KRK’, as he has christened himself, never ceases to remind, whoever is interested to know, that he is a multi–millionaire. Yawn. This 2 foot, badly-dressed, aged joker is just a barrel of laughs.

Ismail Darbar - The Sloth: The one-hit wonder music director looks grimy; shirks work, puts his housemates down and does not respect the women of the house. He looks like he’s still trying to fit in, and failing miserably.

Raju Shrivastav – The Comedy of errors: Comedians cannot, should not try to be, and aren’t, funny 24*7 is what Raju has demonstrated by coming on this show. Using degrading language and poking fun at his fellow housemates behind their backs makes him look even more tragic.

Rohit Verma – The Queen: This Fashion Designer loves dressing up, make-up, gossiping, Lord Krishna, washing vessels and little else in the house. He seems like the most genuine person in the house, so far, who is delightfully politically incorrect and doesn’t hesitate to remind people of their place.

Sheryln Chopra – Huh?: Who is she? Why is she here? What makes her believe she’s hot? Why does she wear that godawful wig?

Bakhtiyar Irani – The Volcano: This television actor is the only nice-looking and decently dressed male in the house. He cooks, cleans, follows orders without complain and periodically erupts like a volcano startling everyone in the process.

Tanaaz Irani - The Matchstick (‘Kaandi’) : This television actor is terribly annoying, loves to annoy others as well, and is despised by the males in the house because of this habit. She admitted that she does it to pass time in the house. She just might have to pass out of the house soon, all thanks to her habit.

Aditi Govitrikar – The Miss-Placed: The Model and Actor looks terribly out of place here. A tumultuous personal life seems to have leached the fun and glamour from Dr Govitrikar. Hope things get better for her soon.

Shamita Shetty – The Performer: This Actress (?) cries when the atmosphere in the house is tense, is always worried about the food – situation and can’t seem to speak or understand Hindi (“what does ‘Budhwar’ mean”) Still suffering from a Shilpa Shetty hangover, behna?

Claudia Ciesla – The Unknown: Never seen her and never heard of her before. She’s enthusiastic, a big help around the house and it’s a delight to watch how she puts people in their place.

P:S: For those ready with the inevitable question, “I can’t believe you actually watch this show/You actually watch this show?!” The answer is “Believe it. I do”;-D

And the WWW Award goes to...

Jennifer Lopez: Babeee, you reckon I could win the Worst-dressed-Woman-in-the-World award once more?

Mark Antony: Chica, there’s no one who deserves it more than you…

Mark: Just keep following my advice and you’ll be the only winner every year…

Mark: Infact, if this wasn’t a women’s only thing, I would have won it along with you!

I’m all but forgotten, I see…

…notice my bling…

…and love for sequins…

…take that, J.Lo! I’m winning it this time!

H.E.L.L.O! I’m the surprise contender for the award. Thanks to my serials shutting down, I’ve decided to follow the path of austerity set by the Congress. All my clothes are now recycled.
This top has been fashioned from Parvati’s saree...

...this dress from the curtains on the set of Kyon Ki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi...

…this from Mihir’s suit…


…and this from the sofa on the set of Kasautii Zindagii Kay…

So, who deserves the WWW Award the most?

You decide! ;-D

You know you're all grown up when you...

* Can accept compliments gracefully.
* Enjoy silence as much as you enjoy a good conversation.
* Dole out advice only when asked for.
* Don’t remember the last time you had an anxiety-ridden, ‘I  have nothing to wear!’ moment.
* Tell yourself you have enough shoes. And believe it.
* Pass up a pre-sale invite, with a very tempting discount, at your favorite boutique.
* Can say ‘No’ without feeling guilty.
* Aren’t even remotely interested in knowing what people think of you.
* Stop asking people their starsign and then form mental blocks accordingly
* Make peace with your body shape and start appreciating it.
* Realize that saving gives you the same high as spending does.
* Stop pining for George Clooney
* Believe dieting is not torture, it just means eating sensibly.
* Recognize that, for most people, good manners are not mandatory.
* Understand that the opposite of love is not hate. It is indifference.
* Are all of the above and are still adored and fun to be with!;-D

Wham!

Remember George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley, the delectable duo of the popular group, Wham!

While George Michael spares no opportunity to stay in the limelight, his partner, Andrew, just disappeared from the scene after Wham! split, leaving his share of female fans, me included, wondering where he must be and how he must look now.
If the curious thought ever crossed your mind too, wonder no more as you could see for yourself what Andrew Ridgeley looks like now;

The tabloid I get my goss from informs that, 'Andrew leads a reclusive lifestyle in Cornwall (U.K), enjoying the anonymity he has, and spends his time surfing and playing golf.'
Once I got over the initial shock, I thought he looked nice,relaxed,stylish and fit (lookatthoseflatabs!!!), though much, much older than his 46 years.

Just read!

Intriguing. Interesting. Enlightening.

509 Pages. Hardback.
My Rating : ****

# Harvard Symbologist Robert Langdon is summoned at the last minute to deliver an evening lecture in the Capitol Building. Within moments of his arrival, however, a disturbing object – gruesomely encoded with five symbols – is discovered at the epicenter of the Rotunda. It is, he recognizes, an ancient invitation, meant to beckon it’s recipient towards a long-lost world of hidden esoteric wisdom.

When Langdon’s revered mentor, Peter Solomon – philanthropist and prominent mason- is brutually kidnapped, Langdon realizes that his only hope of saving his friends life is to accept this mysterious summon and follow wherever it leads him.

Langdon finds himself quickly swept behind the façade of America’s most powerful city into the unseen chambers, temples and tunnels which exist there. All that was familiar is transformed into a shadowy, clandestine world of an artfully concealed past in which Masonic secrets and never-before-seen revelations seem to be leading him to a single impossible and inconcievable truth.
#From the book jacket

With a narrative spanning a 12 hour period, The Lost Symbol is set in the power capital of America, Washington D.C. The basic premise is the same as Dan Brown’s other books; there is Robert Langdon, a female supporting partner, a surreal figure and a mystery waiting to be solved.

Robert Langdon is as suave and impressive as he always is, and the supporting characters don’t disappoint either.

With this book Dan Brown takes his writing up a few notches. Meticulous research has lead to minute detailing, which, in typical and admirable Brown’s writing style, is simplified beautifully. The rich detailing does tend to overwhelm you at places and patience is the key, as it takes a while to get a grip on the story. However, once you’ve found yours, your eyes will fly across the pages, which will turn swiftly.

The explanation of the practices, rituals, symbols and beliefs could bewilder but in true Dan Brown trademark style all the pieces fall together brilliantly in the last quarter of the book.

With ‘The Lost Symbol’ Dan Brown attempts to clear the cobwebs of closed minds, shine new light on old beliefs, nudge your faith down a new path and present God in a refreshing new form.

The only drawback: This 509 page, hardback tome can get really cumbersome to lug around, though it would be a great buy as a collectors item. Else, wait for the paperback version or make do with the e-version.

My very own rating chart;

*Use it as a doorstop.
**Read it if you have nothing better to do.
***You will like it if you like this particular genre of writing.
****Must read!
*****What! You haven’t read it YET ?!

Sigh!

One of the perks of seeing my party come back into power is watching the absolutely delectable Congress Spokesman, Manish Tiwari ,animatedly debate on every TV chanel AND at delightfully regular intervals.

Wonder what his starsign is…

Rakhi ka Swayamvar – The Aftermath

Dressed in more jewelry than clothes, Rakhi invoked ‘God Jeejus’ with a tuneless song sung on stage, pretended to bashfully shiver (me thinks it was more the lack of clothes, than shyness, that may have caused the shivering) joked there could be a Swayamvar Part 2, and finally got ENGAGED to the businessman from Toronto, Elesh Parujanwala.

At the start of the show itself I had pinned my hopes on Elesh being the chosen one, for the sole reason that he was the only NRI groom who could help the cause of us Indians by taking this forever-seeking-the-limelight Nautankibaaz, Rakhi, out of our country.

Strangely though, this ‘reech’ (in Rakhi’s pronunciation, not mine) and articulate businessman is suddenly a struggler who is finding his feet in Mumbai city and has requested Rakhi for some time to do so. Hence the Engagement, instead of the Swayamvar.

Moreover, apparently Elesh wants to get to know Rakhi better (Why do I have a feeling that he just might regret this decision?) see her without make-up (Gulp! Brave guy! Hope he’s fond of horror) and see how compatible they are (Brave AND a risk-taker!)

On the flipside, if this relationship does work out and lead to marriage (yes, miracles are known to happen, folks!) we could always witness Rakhi ka Talaq to follow.

And if this relationship does not work out, await, Rakhi ka Swayamvar – Season 2.

Till then, watch them together in a forthcoming TV show.